December 9, 2009

a dream;

[Time it was and what a time it was it was,
A time of innocence a time of confidences.

Long ago it must be, I have a photograph
Preserve your memories, they're all that's left you]

bookends was playing on the record player and i was a big idiot.

December 7, 2009

scythian empires

just a little bird floating on a hurricane.

i choose to remember this way.
okay. black coffee. monday.

November 6, 2009

daisy chain

"daisy chain"

marbled gold+red
yellow eyes
shriveled peach tree
dotted white linen says, "it's a season."
no one prances like i do.
no one breaks like i do.
don't take opportunities
to bake pumpkin seeds
or leave the door open
screen-door shut
let God into my home
as the smell of fire, or good food
i want to be humbled by the scent of the Spirit
and bury myself in foreign coffee
or learn to build with my hands
things i dreamt up with my heart

August 4, 2009

what the willows told us about love

i find letters in my mailbox from time to time that are like this and i spend the rest of the afternoon melty and warm.

God is so good. so so good.

June 21, 2009

i can tell that we are gonna be friends..

boo radley has taken to perching on the the top of the cupboards in the kitchen
i have taken to spending all of my time with sal, who is handsome and fabulous.
went to the aquarium yesterday
fell in love with the jellyfish room. went to waffle house. to the park. to a field to sit on the top of the van and look at the stars. 
i don't know about you, but my summer is fabulous. i wish the same for everyone. 

June 15, 2009

belated promise ring

today i thought about burning that letter
the lengths i would have to go to
breaking and entering, or just sitting there crying
because it is permanent and stained with ink
leaking light every few inches and screaming things to you each morning
but instead, how about you bury it and see what grows.

May 31, 2009

i couldn't even deny it if i tried..

God is so beautiful and so good to me.
how the heck could i think otherwise?

May 26, 2009

i can't capture him on film

home was a photograph you taped to your wall

May 22, 2009

i have learned that

if you are always falling in love with passing ships
you will never leave the harbor.

you have to make a lot of big decisions in order to get it right
and that if you have something really good, you should keep it if you can.

and i do.

May 18, 2009

i'm tired of spraying for ants.

my bed has been;

-a courtroom
-a confessional
-a lovenest

[i could be there for you if you'd like. promise i won't bite.]

i am your goldfish
and i don't even mind.

May 16, 2009

this is how it happened (pt 2)

today my dad brought over some york peppermint patties
and sprayed for a spider.

things you shouldn't do (pt 1)
-pretend to understand
-burn bridges

May 14th
woke up today
with a stuffy head and a royal shanghai. fabulous.
my room, covered in thread, a human spider web
and whipped cream in my hand
a feather tickling my face 
and now i'm angry. and for the first time,
i realize how foreign it feels to be angry.

This is how it happened...

you asked. i melted.

May 10, 2009

this is how it happened.

I have written something new
and depending on what happens, you could probably read it
but either way, i think it might be terrible.

my uncle wrote something for his late mother for mother's day.
it is really sad. 

in other news, life is seriously so wonderful.

May 3, 2009

my heart has been melting like a popsicle in july.  

April 19, 2009

Lucid Dreamer

This picture-
With rounded edges and a tear in the lower corner.
I’m examining.
Viewing its movement as it rips through my body; a map missing the north arrow

Mostly, we are two redheads with matching canary coats
We are lit candlesticks in the middle of a winter night
Orbiting around something that I can only see now
Imprisoned by the film,
Light leaks in. Amber; or perhaps the last leaf suspended by gravity
Making its grand entrance, sashaying in, only for a brief moment

Military gold buttons, scarf that she wore only once
He took this photo of two friends while walking backwards.
My smile distracts.
But inside there are tears-
Pearls hidden away in an oyster
Eventually he broke me open with a rock
And everything came spilling out
Pieces of shell left to glitter on the concrete
Becoming a galaxy now, with no home for the spirit to return to

I still can’t figure out why,
But this photograph sends lightning into dark rooms
Sparks to remind me-
Of the night he was leaving, packing things up
And softly crying.

And even though the skeleton is buried in the backyard
In a box under trampled soil and a small tree,
Bones resurface when I see this photograph
And beg for my hand,
Until I am a kite,
Tossed by the wind and then tangled waiting for the black widow
With her silk cocoon and poison fang

April 11, 2009

do you want to run with my pack?

do you want to ride on my back?
pray that what you lack
does not distract

even when you touch my face-
you know your place.

April 6, 2009


You have one hour-Before everyone gets back to have dinner outside, in the sand

Waves crawl up and down- indecisive
Drawing back empty shells tangled in seaweed-
A maritime necklace

The heat radiates around the sand
And you feel a cosmic pull to the Atlantic
So you take yourself down, to the edge of it all
And slip into pearly foam
Realize you’re not alone

You’ve grown tired of starchy sails
So you become only the frame
And the water, salty and pure, laps in and out of your ribs
As I float nearby, partially submerged and out of body

And when your bony fingers grace my hair
Drifting widely, seaweed colored through the lens of the Atlantic
You are surprised that I am here
And we disperse until I am but a pale cloud when you dip underneath

And you cry and shake,
Sending vibrations
Like the heavy breath of a fault-line
But with the body of water
It is disguised
i went to merrillville this weekend with tim and anthony. it was fun to get away but the trip back was pretty long and weird things kept happening. boo and i are reunited (and it feels so good!)

that poem that i wrote ended up being praised by my professor as the best poem handed in!
it made me feel as though all of that spilled emotion the night before was worth it.
i guess it is worth it to illustrate your feelings because others will appreciate it in the end.

i am meeting with a professor from last quarter to try and swing a grade change and then classes all day and then i'm going to the welcome house of northern kentucky to discuss what i'll be doing for volunteer work. my classes this quarter are fabulous except for one difficult one which is still interesting. i'm supposed to graduate in 1 year?! 

and to those of you who do not reply to messages sent asking questions about things, get on it, okay? we can't wait around forever!

have an absolutely fabulous day!

March 31, 2009

i can still go there

i had a realization while in half-moon tonight at yoga.
i spent some time thinking and praying in the steam room afterwards
and came home knowing i had to write something for class 
i had to produce a poem although i could have brought in something old

my eyes are red and swollen because i have literally been sobbing
but i have a new piece that came out of this
and i rather like it, though it was painful to produce.
i'm willing to share it with you if you would like, (nathan) or whoever else.
but i'd rather email it to you as it is very personal. 

March 29, 2009

lately i have been doing things because they feel good not because they are right or wrong. i don't know why, but it is how it is. 

yesterday it felt like the thread that was through my heart was finally being tugged upward and it didn't feel good, it didn't hurt, but it was uncomfortable.

i don't know how else to say anything or how to not be awkward in social situations that include you. either way it is appropriate to say that if you were outta here, i don't know how i'd feel but maybe a little relieved. 

i believe in you
in your honesty in your eyes
even when i'm sloshing in the muck of my demise
a large part of me is always and forever tied to the lamplight
of your eyes

March 19, 2009

life i love you,
all is groovy

March 6, 2009

we laughed so much then we cried all night 
and you left your shoes in the tree with me 
i'll wear them to your house tonight 
magic in the air tonight
we slept on leaves on my drive all night
and you gave me no restime
nothing in this life for me tonight
but nothing ever seemed so bright

February 22, 2009

its a blessing to meet new people

I have so much on my mind right now, its insane. let me start out by saying i watched requiem for a dream for the first time. i've never had the desire to see it because of it's graphic content. i'm not one to watch movies that are overly violent or gory but i felt a push to see it and now that i have i know exactly what that push was. i have always felt sorry for people who struggled with addictions but i never fully understood the issue and i always set it on the back burner so to speak. I finally have decided to deal with the issue and look into more as God has been opening my eyes to it all. After the movie, i was thoroughly disturbed which i think is the point, God doesn't want us to stay in our comfort zones. I thought about addictions A LOT afterwards and have had about 5 conversations in the 2 days since about different substance abuses and addictions that are personal stories. i am still amazed at how God tells me things.. seriously. Today driving down to over-the-rhine, i saw a drug deal next to my car as i was at a light. i know they happen all of the time, but i've never seen one before and it brought me back to things i've heard before and things i've thought about. it was shocking. just last night at dinner my sister was telling me how she had a gun held to her head as her boyfriend at the time was buying drugs in madisonville. the whole drug culture is so insane i can't even understand it. i've definitely made it a priority to take an addictions class at UC. I talked to my friend tim a bit today about it and how it is more about making society in a way so that people don't turn to selling drugs to get by. it is a systemic issue. back to OTR, i met these three guys while walking to the drop inn center and they were really nice guys, passing out what they had and praying for people. (I think prayer is the best gift we can share with each other).  We exchanged contact information for the future so we could go to down to OTR together which ended up being even more of a blessing as they ran out of gas and called me. i gave them a ride to the gas station and we talked more and it was a great opportunity. I love to meet new people and without even bringing it up, one of the guys started talking about addictions. WOAH! i just can't believe how much God is pounding this idea into my head, especially when i am trying to find a new place to work that will be more in my line of work. this is all just so incredible!

on a side note, i felt very frustrated today before OTR because no one was coming down. It has been Brennen and I mostly for a while and i just feel like no one cares anymore. the people who started it or came down regularly have either moved away, left for school or just don't even come down at all (not sure why). Its difficult to explain where everyone is now, people ask where everyone is, they ask about people by name and i never know what to say. i keep praying for this ministry but its hard when no one is committing or really caring anymore. I used to be out of town every other weekend so i understand, but now i'm back and i see that no one is coming down anymore. I guess all of this to say if anyone wants to come down, please do. we need all the people we can get. If we give up on these people, it will impact them... seriously. 

February 21, 2009

i have read the right books
to interpret your looks
you were knocking me down
with the palm of your eye

i cannot even begin to explain what has happened.
i will be setting sail next weekend and return not long after.
tears in my eyes, because i have explained it all to you and your face does not change.

February 11, 2009

i am nobody's little weasel.

February 8, 2009

you smell like the forest.

what could something like this mean to you?
to sleep in the field without a blanket;
to choke on nothing and blame it on something.

in an alternate universe
you would make me special mix tapes

in an alternate universe
i would not have this perpetual stomach ache.

February 6, 2009

more adventurous

this is a weird and exciting time.
i can't say i have any regrets or feelings of longing.
i signed up for classes, here they are;
  • urban spatial structure
  • planning economics
  • homelessness (i know, right?!)
  • creative writing: poetry
  • social inequality
i'm going grocery shopping alone today.
i'm not sure how that makes me feel.

February 1, 2009

lately; i love the dirty projectors.
i spent hours at blue byrd with meggo
getting her tattoo worked on, which was
enough time to convince me to get my
nose pierced.....finally.

i am obsessed with missed connections.
i read them all the time and save the really great ones.

it is superbowl sunday, i am not so excited
homework will still have to wait.

January 28, 2009

apparition in an empty room;

i seek ghosts in this old house with my mock-gold mirror
figures appear, i detect them out of the corner of my eye
they have your face, your shape
you were something to aspire to
or something to conquer
like those ancient wars-
in the east
where everyone is confused as to why they are fighting
but they continue until everyone is spitting up blood.

January 22, 2009

i heard you looking...

I read Mon Plaisir last night before bed and cried.

new years resolutions this year are still being sorted; they were never very concrete.
-push through things without hesitation
-go to every class. last year i skipped a lot.
-be on time to things, especially work.

i've been writing a little more now because there is something coming up.
two of my pieces are in this coming volume of milk money.
there will be a release party on january 30th at 7:30 at feralmade (4573 Hamilton Ave., 45223)
i'm doing a reading there.
there will be free beer and it will be good, so come and listen if you please.

i guess one of the biggest things i've realized lately is that "some things are best left unsaid" was the 2008 motto.
i grew up in a haunted house by the coast, fyi.

January 13, 2009

did i tell you?

you spoke to me last night and i don't think you even knew it.
i am an anchored tug boat.

i can't be anything more right now without a push.