chinese lanterns

arrows and dying seeds

2010-05-08T13:44:00.001-04:00

i feel so renewed by the giant sort of menacing paper. I am reading so many books and articles and personal stories. how many people can say they cried tears of joy while finishing their senior thesis? God is showing me so much, i am so thankful for that. I can't wait to share this with all of you.

moving on?

2010-03-11T13:04:00.001-05:00

http://mountolive.tumblr.com/

i can't help it. i think i'm in love.

i think i'm shutting this guy down soon. :[

bird's nest

2010-02-08T09:09:00.001-05:00

that picture was from when i didn't brush my hair for one whole summer.

i just want to see you underwater

2010-02-04T18:24:00.005-05:00

i don't think my days ever felt like this before.

'doubletalk with me.'

today;

i cut coupons

i skipped down my street

i pet a dog that was so excited it peed.

[and now for a new poem]...

i want to be a flickering fading flash

that you see from across the lake

and think me closer than reality

a lightning bug right before your nose

or perhaps a lamenting lighthouse

with a chipped pearl exterior-

calling out for someone else

while you pretend i am signaling your ship

i wish for more eloquence and burnt edges

i wish for paper cuts along pebbled shores

and my dumb little body pretzeled in pieces,

bound in seaweed.

this is why i can never clean my room

2010-01-14T21:08:00.001-05:00

fairytales,

folklores,

and girls with fire.

come see what i've mourned and what it looks like now, a sweet charcoaled ash-spring.

a dream;

2009-12-09T11:05:00.000-05:00

[Time it was and what a time it was it was,
A time of innocence a time of confidences.

Long ago it must be, I have a photograph
Preserve your memories, they're all that's left you]

bookends was playing on the record player and i was a big idiot.

scythian empires

2009-12-07T00:24:00.001-05:00

just a little bird floating on a hurricane.

i choose to remember this way.

okay. black coffee. monday.

daisy chain

2009-11-06T12:49:00.002-05:00

"daisy chain"

marbled gold+red

yellow eyes

shriveled peach tree

dotted white linen says, "it's a season."

no one prances like i do.

no one breaks like i do.

don't take opportunities

anymore

to bake pumpkin seeds

or leave the door open

screen-door shut

let God into my home

as the smell of fire, or good food

i want to be humbled by the scent of the Spirit

and bury myself in foreign coffee

or learn to build with my hands

things i dreamt up with my heart

what the willows told us about love

2009-08-04T09:11:00.001-04:00

what the willows told us about love
Originally uploaded by mount olive

i find letters in my mailbox from time to time that are like this and i spend the rest of the afternoon melty and warm.

God is so good. so so good.

i can tell that we are gonna be friends..

2009-06-21T16:13:00.002-04:00

boo radley has taken to perching on the the top of the cupboards in the kitchen

i have taken to spending all of my time with sal, who is handsome and fabulous.

went to the aquarium yesterday

fell in love with the jellyfish room. went to waffle house. to the park. to a field to sit on the top of the van and look at the stars.

i don't know about you, but my summer is fabulous. i wish the same for everyone.

belated promise ring

2009-06-15T21:21:00.003-04:00

today i thought about burning that letter

the lengths i would have to go to

breaking and entering, or just sitting there crying

because it is permanent and stained with ink

leaking light every few inches and screaming things to you each morning

but instead, how about you bury it and see what grows.

i couldn't even deny it if i tried..

2009-05-31T16:22:00.003-04:00

God is so beautiful and so good to me.

how the heck could i think otherwise?

i can't capture him on film

2009-05-26T01:16:00.000-04:00

home was a photograph you taped to your wall

i have learned that

2009-05-22T14:24:00.001-04:00

if you are always falling in love with passing ships

you will never leave the harbor.

you have to make a lot of big decisions in order to get it right

and that if you have something really good, you should keep it if you can.

and i do.

i'm tired of spraying for ants.

2009-05-18T16:11:00.000-04:00

my bed has been;

-a courtroom

-a confessional

-a lovenest

[i could be there for you if you'd like. promise i won't bite.]

i am your goldfish

and i don't even mind.

this is how it happened (pt 2)

2009-05-16T16:32:00.001-04:00

today my dad brought over some york peppermint patties

and sprayed for a spider.

things you shouldn't do (pt 1)

-pretend to understand

-overanalyze

-burn bridges

May 14th

woke up today

with a stuffy head and a royal shanghai. fabulous.

my room, covered in thread, a human spider web

and whipped cream in my hand

a feather tickling my face

and now i'm angry. and for the first time,

i realize how foreign it feels to be angry.

This is how it happened...

you asked. i melted.

this is how it happened.

2009-05-10T23:15:00.000-04:00

I have written something new

and depending on what happens, you could probably read it

but either way, i think it might be terrible.

my uncle wrote something for his late mother for mother's day.

it is really sad.

in other news, life is seriously so wonderful.

2009-05-03T22:07:00.000-04:00

lately;

my heart has been melting like a popsicle in july.

♥

Lucid Dreamer

2009-04-19T18:49:00.000-04:00

This picture-
With rounded edges and a tear in the lower corner.
I’m examining.
Viewing its movement as it rips through my body; a map missing the north arrow

Mostly, we are two redheads with matching canary coats
We are lit candlesticks in the middle of a winter night
Orbiting around something that I can only see now
Imprisoned by the film,
Light leaks in. Amber; or perhaps the last leaf suspended by gravity
Making its grand entrance, sashaying in, only for a brief moment

Military gold buttons, scarf that she wore only once
He took this photo of two friends while walking backwards.
My smile distracts.
But inside there are tears-
Pearls hidden away in an oyster
Eventually he broke me open with a rock
And everything came spilling out
Pieces of shell left to glitter on the concrete
Becoming a galaxy now, with no home for the spirit to return to

I still can’t figure out why,
But this photograph sends lightning into dark rooms
Sparks to remind me-
Of the night he was leaving, packing things up
And softly crying.

And even though the skeleton is buried in the backyard
In a box under trampled soil and a small tree,
Bones resurface when I see this photograph
And beg for my hand,
Until I am a kite,
Tossed by the wind and then tangled waiting for the black widow
With her silk cocoon and poison fang

do you want to run with my pack?

2009-04-11T17:44:00.000-04:00

do you want to ride on my back?

pray that what you lack

does not distract

even when you touch my face-

you know your place.

2009-04-06T12:41:00.000-04:00

Ophelia

You have one hour-Before everyone gets back to have dinner outside, in the sand

Waves crawl up and down- indecisive
Drawing back empty shells tangled in seaweed-
A maritime necklace

The heat radiates around the sand
And you feel a cosmic pull to the Atlantic
So you take yourself down, to the edge of it all
And slip into pearly foam
Realize you’re not alone

You’ve grown tired of starchy sails
So you become only the frame
And the water, salty and pure, laps in and out of your ribs
As I float nearby, partially submerged and out of body

And when your bony fingers grace my hair
Drifting widely, seaweed colored through the lens of the Atlantic
You are surprised that I am here
And we disperse until I am but a pale cloud when you dip underneath

And you cry and shake,
Sending vibrations
Like the heavy breath of a fault-line
But with the body of water
It is disguised

2009-04-06T09:18:00.000-04:00

i went to merrillville this weekend with tim and anthony. it was fun to get away but the trip back was pretty long and weird things kept happening. boo and i are reunited (and it feels so good!)

that poem that i wrote ended up being praised by my professor as the best poem handed in!

it made me feel as though all of that spilled emotion the night before was worth it.

i guess it is worth it to illustrate your feelings because others will appreciate it in the end.

i am meeting with a professor from last quarter to try and swing a grade change and then classes all day and then i'm going to the welcome house of northern kentucky to discuss what i'll be doing for volunteer work. my classes this quarter are fabulous except for one difficult one which is still interesting. i'm supposed to graduate in 1 year?!

and to those of you who do not reply to messages sent asking questions about things, get on it, okay? we can't wait around forever!

have an absolutely fabulous day!

i can still go there

2009-03-31T21:51:00.000-04:00

i had a realization while in half-moon tonight at yoga.

i spent some time thinking and praying in the steam room afterwards

and came home knowing i had to write something for class

i had to produce a poem although i could have brought in something old

my eyes are red and swollen because i have literally been sobbing

but i have a new piece that came out of this

and i rather like it, though it was painful to produce.

i'm willing to share it with you if you would like, (nathan) or whoever else.

but i'd rather email it to you as it is very personal.

2009-03-29T09:11:00.000-04:00

lately i have been doing things because they feel good not because they are right or wrong. i don't know why, but it is how it is.

yesterday it felt like the thread that was through my heart was finally being tugged upward and it didn't feel good, it didn't hurt, but it was uncomfortable.

i don't know how else to say anything or how to not be awkward in social situations that include you. either way it is appropriate to say that if you were outta here, i don't know how i'd feel but maybe a little relieved.

i believe in you

in your honesty in your eyes

even when i'm sloshing in the muck of my demise

a large part of me is always and forever tied to the lamplight

of your eyes

2009-03-19T11:13:00.001-04:00

life i love you,

all is groovy

2009-03-06T11:28:00.000-05:00

we laughed so much then we cried all night

and you left your shoes in the tree with me

i'll wear them to your house tonight

magic in the air tonight

we slept on leaves on my drive all night

and you gave me no restime

nothing in this life for me tonight

but nothing ever seemed so bright

its a blessing to meet new people

2009-02-22T14:23:00.000-05:00

I have so much on my mind right now, its insane. let me start out by saying i watched requiem for a dream for the first time. i've never had the desire to see it because of it's graphic content. i'm not one to watch movies that are overly violent or gory but i felt a push to see it and now that i have i know exactly what that push was. i have always felt sorry for people who struggled with addictions but i never fully understood the issue and i always set it on the back burner so to speak. I finally have decided to deal with the issue and look into more as God has been opening my eyes to it all. After the movie, i was thoroughly disturbed which i think is the point, God doesn't want us to stay in our comfort zones. I thought about addictions A LOT afterwards and have had about 5 conversations in the 2 days since about different substance abuses and addictions that are personal stories. i am still amazed at how God tells me things.. seriously. Today driving down to over-the-rhine, i saw a drug deal next to my car as i was at a light. i know they happen all of the time, but i've never seen one before and it brought me back to things i've heard before and things i've thought about. it was shocking. just last night at dinner my sister was telling me how she had a gun held to her head as her boyfriend at the time was buying drugs in madisonville. the whole drug culture is so insane i can't even understand it. i've definitely made it a priority to take an addictions class at UC. I talked to my friend tim a bit today about it and how it is more about making society in a way so that people don't turn to selling drugs to get by. it is a systemic issue. back to OTR, i met these three guys while walking to the drop inn center and they were really nice guys, passing out what they had and praying for people. (I think prayer is the best gift we can share with each other). We exchanged contact information for the future so we could go to down to OTR together which ended up being even more of a blessing as they ran out of gas and called me. i gave them a ride to the gas station and we talked more and it was a great opportunity. I love to meet new people and without even bringing it up, one of the guys started talking about addictions. WOAH! i just can't believe how much God is pounding this idea into my head, especially when i am trying to find a new place to work that will be more in my line of work. this is all just so incredible!

on a side note, i felt very frustrated today before OTR because no one was coming down. It has been Brennen and I mostly for a while and i just feel like no one cares anymore. the people who started it or came down regularly have either moved away, left for school or just don't even come down at all (not sure why). Its difficult to explain where everyone is now, people ask where everyone is, they ask about people by name and i never know what to say. i keep praying for this ministry but its hard when no one is committing or really caring anymore. I used to be out of town every other weekend so i understand, but now i'm back and i see that no one is coming down anymore. I guess all of this to say if anyone wants to come down, please do. we need all the people we can get. If we give up on these people, it will impact them... seriously.

2009-02-21T14:13:00.000-05:00

i have read the right books
to interpret your looks
you were knocking me down
with the palm of your eye

i cannot even begin to explain what has happened.
i will be setting sail next weekend and return not long after.
tears in my eyes, because i have explained it all to you and your face does not change.

2009-02-11T09:28:00.000-05:00

i am nobody's little weasel.

you smell like the forest.

2009-02-08T21:52:00.001-05:00

what could something like this mean to you?

to sleep in the field without a blanket;

to choke on nothing and blame it on something.

in an alternate universe

you would make me special mix tapes

in an alternate universe

i would not have this perpetual stomach ache.

more adventurous

2009-02-06T12:29:00.000-05:00

this is a weird and exciting time.
i can't say i have any regrets or feelings of longing.
i signed up for classes, here they are;

urban spatial structure
planning economics
homelessness (i know, right?!)
creative writing: poetry
social inequality

i'm going grocery shopping alone today.

i'm not sure how that makes me feel.

2009-02-01T17:47:00.000-05:00

lately; i love the dirty projectors.
i spent hours at blue byrd with meggo
getting her tattoo worked on, which was
enough time to convince me to get my
nose pierced.....finally.

i am obsessed with missed connections.
i read them all the time and save the really great ones.

it is superbowl sunday, i am not so excited
homework will still have to wait.

apparition in an empty room;

2009-01-28T15:51:00.000-05:00

i seek ghosts in this old house with my mock-gold mirror
figures appear, i detect them out of the corner of my eye
they have your face, your shape
you were something to aspire to
or something to conquer
like those ancient wars-
in the east
where everyone is confused as to why they are fighting
but they continue until everyone is spitting up blood.

i heard you looking...

2009-01-22T14:55:00.000-05:00

I read Mon Plaisir last night before bed and cried.

new years resolutions this year are still being sorted; they were never very concrete.
-push through things without hesitation
-go to every class. last year i skipped a lot.
-be on time to things, especially work.

i've been writing a little more now because there is something coming up.
two of my pieces are in this coming volume of milk money.
there will be a release party on january 30th at 7:30 at feralmade (4573 Hamilton Ave., 45223)
i'm doing a reading there.
there will be free beer and it will be good, so come and listen if you please.

i guess one of the biggest things i've realized lately is that "some things are best left unsaid" was the 2008 motto.
i grew up in a haunted house by the coast, fyi.

did i tell you?

2009-01-13T14:43:00.000-05:00

you spoke to me last night and i don't think you even knew it.
i am an anchored tug boat.

i can't be anything more right now without a push.

2008-12-27T12:26:00.000-05:00

i have seasonal depression- it's self diagnosed.
i'm not quite sure when this started, but it makes me wonder
because i feel so claustrophobic when its cold and rainy, snowy, or icy.
but when we lived in maine, i don't remember feeling this way.
which is bizarre because winters were 6 months long
and today is 70 degrees. and i feel okay. it's kind of gloomy.

i guess it doesn't really matter.
i don't want any sort of medicine
maybe one of those bright lights that is supposed to help.
or some company.

how do you feel?

a house is not a hotel.

2008-12-10T14:09:00.000-05:00

i am transitioning and it's exciting.
i've channeled in some more creativity; the lack from before was causing a problem.
my boss and his wife are having a baby. how wonderful!
exam week is proving to be total destruction;
2 exams and 1 paper down. 2 more exams and 1 more paper to go. yikes.
plans for a 5 person tandem, a mansion [the brothel, shittlesworth, what have you]
i think the end of this year will be tame.

i will not be around here this time next year.

year of the cat

2008-11-29T13:43:00.000-05:00

we dig holes and hide seeds
they break the surface weeks later
in each pocket--
treasures rest
all you ask is for an open window and a bowl of milk
you speak in a language i don't understand
and i am up late most nights-
trying to translate
i spell out sentences on my refrigerator
i investigate small scratching noises in the closet
each time coming to the conclusion that we have guests
living with us in our house
you learn to share your food, your space
and i do too as we have peaceful invaders with no ill intent

and when you sleep, i can hear you dreaming

wake up little eyes

2008-11-23T19:40:00.001-05:00

wake up little eyes
Originally uploaded by mount olive

college is a problem
working 30 minutes away is a problem
having no motivation is a problem!

i've come so far, but college is seriously bummin' me out right now.

If you're not registered, that is a bummer

2008-10-15T20:23:00.000-04:00

I just watched the Katie Couric interview with Sarah Palin.
Well, first I watched the Saturday Night Live version, which is funny
but when I saw the actual interview, it wasn't much different.
Palin is so spacey in the interview that it makes me worried for her
and while many are saying Couric was too rough on her, I think that is crap,
we need to be intense in our question-asking, we need to inquire
and when a candidate of vice presidential candidate is vague,
we need to call them out on it.

I'm not a democrat, or a republican. I'm independent,
but i know who i'm voting for this time around.
McCain-Palin scares the shit out of me.
Basically, watch interviews and debates, because they tell you more
than the websites of the candidates do.

Also, for all you Cincinnati cats, there is an Obama rally in fountain square
Thursday October 16 and the national is playing

bobby malone moves home

2008-10-05T23:33:00.001-04:00

bobby malone moves home
Originally uploaded by mount olive

i uploaded some photos on flickr.
i think this week will be nice. i have things to do
but they are spread out.
anyway i don't say things i would if i were just a light.

chris and i celebrated our year and one half.
this is excellent. real time love if you feel me.

my computer's hard drive died

2008-07-31T21:50:00.000-04:00

literally. I lost everything i had.
my photography, my writings, my school stuff, my music.
there was no apparent reason, my mac's drive just self destructed.
I was really upset but now i'm not.
the repairs didn't cost anything and they gave me leopard for free.

although i lost a lot of my work. i feel liberated.
i haven't been as enthused about my recent work, and now its gone.
i'm going to make more art and just move on. maybe this helped to cleanse the palette

i've finally been able to figure out what my first poetry book will be titled.
and i think it's going to be big for me.

anyway, i've learned my lesson, i need to back things up.

i love you all,
-becki

i think bone density is a conspiracy

2008-07-27T09:22:00.000-04:00

i had a bad "family" day yesterday. mom and dad are out of town,
sister, aunt and grandma were there.
sister picks on me a lot and takes things too far.
after i left the house to go home, i stopped by to feed gigi's cats
i really haven't felt weird about that much
but today i did and i was upset. i guess i hate loose ends.
so either way, it was a rotten day which i don't have much of. but yesterday.. oh yeah it was.
chris is out of town too, which makes things more difficult, especially since he is mountain manning it up
which means i can't really get a hold of him. yikes.
Katherine and Jason, my dear dear friends had me over last night and were so understanding.
they even took me out for ice cream which really cheered me up and we played with poko the guinea pig
needless to say, my bad day was turned around because of such great friends.
when i'm around them and chris isn't there, it isn't a big deal because they don't pda, you know?
so it's really nice. i love them. i am so blessed.

I know God takes care of me no matter what, but he created friends to work through when things are bad.
I know God has created this friendship because i can see God in both of them.

i'm happy, okay?

2008-06-29T20:41:00.000-04:00

its been raining a lot lately.
i need time to think, time to do something different.

God has really been on my mind lately
i've been really receptive to feelings about places and people
i bought my mom jesus for president and i hope she likes it
i have a box full of vases outside collecting water.

i have a christopher. i love that, love him.

i want indian food. who wants to go?

its the art of feeling naked in your clothes

2008-06-26T22:31:00.000-04:00

so i have been jazzed on this whole idea of a politically and socially conscious bible study.
last night i saw shane claiborne on he Jesus for president tour.
i am thinking we could read that book together.

i want to do this before the election.

who's in?

also, i feed the neighborhood stray cats
and i'm going to argosy casino with my family tomorrow.

there is nothing to top that.

my cat likes indian food.

2008-06-21T20:19:00.000-04:00

i went out today with katherine.
it's really nice doing that these days.
boo got sick today, pre-indian food,
but post-strawberry yogurt.

i like to share, but he can't do moderation.

i really don't like the mall kiosks or the scary man at forever 21.
tonight, i'm going out with some friends for a birthday.

see, i have things to do, impressive.

Honey Bee

2008-06-04T21:41:00.000-04:00

bekah hasn't been to the house in weeks
it's really lonely over here on 2346 flora street
the storms have left me a little on edge too
come on over and visit, please.

went to the blue rock for karaoke night
i embarrassingly performed "this is how we do it"
and realized how bad of an idea it was one verse in

editing these wedding photos will take about 10 years.

i am a really fun friend if you would give me a chance.
i want to go shopping soon. yikes.

open your eyes
open your eyes
open your eyes

"i learned how to fish."

2008-06-01T21:40:00.000-04:00

i didn't catch anything.
rachael was home for a few days
but i was out of town this weekend taking photos for a wedding;
i went to see her tonight and i cried
i cried because i have not seen or even really talked to her since she left
that was six months ago
it felt like she was dead and i was seeing her alive again
but she'll be going back and gone until december. maybe staying in kansas city forever.
and when i think about it, i cry.
i do that a lot these days, not always because i am sad, but because things are beautiful
and i can't express myself any other way.

congratulations to Julia and Steve, you two are adorable.

Suffragette city

2008-05-13T22:40:00.001-04:00

Suffragette city
Originally uploaded by missbecki

serious things happen rarely.

i received a key to the store today.
competed in lurkathon 2008
a got bumped up in my dosage of levoxyl
if you don't know what that is, look it up.

season of the shark

2008-05-07T18:59:00.003-04:00

season of the shark
Originally uploaded by missbecki

i would like to receive bills at home.
to check the outlets, the stove
to romp around in the same white dress for days.

2008-05-07T14:11:00.000-04:00

you had a difficult time, kept updates about me.
i still don't understand why.

this week has been bad. very very bad. that is, in terms of college.
i have no desire to work on class assignments.
history is not a priority, neither is sociology.
economics is beyond me, and the planning students scare me.

june 14th seems a ways away.

i do not read the reviews.

2008-02-05T21:32:00.001-05:00

i do not read the reviews.
Originally uploaded by missbecki

i am disappearing at a very fast rate now
i think i am genie.
i get confused when i think i know what big words mean.

2007-12-27T11:57:00.000-05:00

i am in a dreamless dream
everything is and has happened
but i'm too frozen to get involved--
raise my hand
the cat escaped again,
he plays in the grass, just getting some air
roommate complains
my head aches.
forcing out of the house in fury
i found furry friend under porch--
exploring
he thinks he might be captain ahab. perhaps.
finally he comes back and agrees to come inside.
i am disinterested
his body is curled like a conch shell next to me
i think he wants to be forgiven
i scold him
and now he is like sleeping peace
and i am learning to tell stories in a writer's language.

turn into

2007-12-12T17:20:00.000-05:00

hope i do
turn into you.

2007-05-16T23:01:00.000-04:00

most of the time; i don't know what to do with myself